Toxic relationships are, unfortunately, a reality in many of our lives, in both personal and professional settings. However, while these relationships might be challenging to manage, creating more awareness about what they are can help us recognise signs of toxicity early on before we experience distress.
Firstly, it’s essential to define precisely what toxic relationships are and differentiate between toxic behaviour and abuse. Secondly, it’s critical to identify repeated patterns of behaviour that can negatively affect our mental and emotional wellbeing, and prevent becoming involved in toxic and abusive situations as much as possible.
In this post, we’ll discuss toxic relationships, how to identify them, how to protect yourself, and how to set boundaries. We’ll also discuss how to manage your emotional reactions and share some tips on how to seek support, heal, walk away from an unhealthy relationship, and learn skills to manage them.
What are toxic relationships?
It’s important to remember that humans are complex, and no one always behaves perfectly. However, when damaging patterns of behaviour continuously occur in a relationship, it’s a sign that these toxic dynamics need attention.
We don’t all perform at 100% all the time. However, a continuous lack of regard for another person’s wellbeing is not okay, so it’s essential to be honest with ourselves when someone is causing us emotional distress. For example, feeling constantly belittled and unvalued in a relationship signifies toxicity. This toxicity can occur in any relationship, whether it’s with a family member, friend, romantic partner, or colleague. Films and social media often normalise toxic behaviours, so we can tolerate and perpetrate such behaviours unconsciously.
Some examples of toxicity include manipulation, gaslighting, excessive criticism, and a lack of respect. Manipulation involves coercing someone to do things they are uncomfortable doing and bending them to your will through fear and intimidation. Gaslighting can occur when you speak up for yourself, and the other person denies and invalidates what you are saying. Excessive criticism and lack of respect also go hand in hand and can make you feel like you are always doing something wrong and are not valued.
At this point, we need to point out the difference between toxic behaviour and abuse, although they often go hand in hand. According to a Healthline article called “Are You in a Toxic Relationship? Signs and How to Cope”, toxic behaviour can occur in any relationship, but signs of abuse include the desire to hold power over someone else and control their behaviour. This controlling behaviour can take toxicity to the next level through acts of physical and emotional violence and diminishing the other person’s sense of self-worth (amongst many other actions).
How to set boundaries
In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to negotiate toxic dynamics. However, avoiding certain people and situations is sometimes very challenging. Therefore, it’s critical to learn how to set boundaries with someone when you are managing unhealthy interactions.
Setting boundaries involves clear communication and speaking up for yourself, which can be easier said than done. Limiting exposure to specific situations and saying no is very important, especially when you are continuously experiencing another person violating your boundaries.
Learning more about how to communicate your thoughts and feelings constructively can be very helpful, especially at the start of a relationship, when you are laying the foundation for future interactions. However, these skills are helpful at any relationship stage, especially when toxic dynamics become challenging to manage.Â
How to emotionally regulate
When you are being manipulated or gaslighted, it can feel very confusing and emotionally distressing, especially when you have close contact with and are emotionally involved with the other person. Emotional detachment can help, but it can feel challenging to distance yourself. In this case, you must reach out for support if you need it and practice self-care.Â
Self-care can involve learning techniques to manage overwhelming emotions, including breathing, mindfulness and emotional first aid. Many different methods exist, but working with a trained mental health professional is vital for ensuring that you have adequate coping tools and can put these into action in a safe setting.Â
Know when to walk away
There are many reasons why a person may mistreat you. People who have experienced similar treatment their whole lives might not know better. They may also have experienced damaging relationships during their upbringing that affect their current relationships. Sadly, as the adage goes, “the abused becomes the abuser”.
Understanding and compassion may provide a starting point for mending a relationship, but it doesn’t condone negative behaviour. We also need to realise that sometimes, both parties create a toxic environment in different ways. You can’t change someone else’s behaviour, but you can change your own. Changing your responses may create some new, improved dynamics in the relationship. Therefore, while it is possible to repair toxic relationships, both parties must commit to building more constructive patterns of relating. However, it’s also essential to know when a relationship is beyond repair and when it is time to walk away, as difficult as it might be.
In this case, it’s vital to have support and work out an exit strategy, especially if you live with the person or need to resign to avoid toxic workplace behaviour. Guilt and manipulation might arise from the other party, but it’s critical to be firm about your reasons for leaving to ensure that you can take the next step forward for your personal growth.
How to heal from toxic relationships
Ending any relationship is stressful, and if you have been experiencing toxicity, it can feel incredibly debilitating to have to reinvent yourself and start over. In this case, seeking help from a counsellor or other trained mental health professional is critical.
However, by rebuilding your self-esteem and learning from the experience, you can identify future red flags and create more fulfilling relationships. If you have been experiencing abuse in particular, it’s essential to get support so that you can heal and prioritise your own mental and emotional wellbeing.Â
Learn more about building healthy relationships
Managing relationships is an ongoing process for everyone. However, with the right tools, we can learn more about what healthy and constructive relationships look and feel like and how to communicate more effectively.
No course can prevent toxic or abusive behaviour. However, by educating ourselves about relationship dynamics, communication, and self-esteem, we can identify harmful behavioural patterns and empower ourselves to seek support when necessary.
SACAP Global offers various online courses that can help you prioritise your mental and emotional wellbeing, take action to build more constructive relationships, and enhance interpersonal relationships and dynamics. These short online courses include the following:
- Enhancing Self-Esteem: Tools for Personal Empowerment: Learn more about enhancing self-esteem through various methods and strategies, which can be very helpful for people experiencing distress due to toxic relationships.
- Interpersonal Communication: Relationship and Conflict Management: Equip yourself with the tools to engage more meaningfully with others and confidently navigate interpersonal communication. These skills can help to build more constructive relationships and identify red flags.Â
- Introducing the EmotionAid(R) Protocol: Learn more about emotional first aid and how to manage and release anxiety, burnout, stress, and trauma, which is helpful in times of distress.
- How to Have Critical Conversations: Communication tools alone won’t prevent toxic behaviour, but if we are skilled in difficult conversations, we can better navigate potentially toxic dynamics in our relationships.Â
- Building Strong Relationships: By exploring various dynamics and types of relationships, we can learn how to manage conflict and know when to seek supportive guidance and counselling.Â
Related Courses
Enhancing Self-Esteem: Tools for Personal Empowerment
Go on a journey of introspection and self-reflection. Understand and enhance your self-esteem.
Interpersonal Communication: Relationships & Conflict Management
Investigate different approaches to interpersonal relationships. Learn how to be more self-aware in the way you communicate.
Introducing the EmotionAid® Protocol
Explore the EmotionAid® Protocol and understand the neurophysiology of stress and trauma and how it is held in the body.
How to Have Critical Conversations
Learn how to have difficult conversations in a personal and professional setting. Gain practical skills to have critical conversations.
Building Strong Relationships
Deepen your understanding of love, relationships and marriage. Learn how to cultivate and grow healthy relationships.